Did you know that you can difficult emotions, such as frustration, anger, and resentment with a practice of compassion? Yep. You can. And I recommend compassion as a coping strategy to alleviate the heaviness of difficult emotions and difficult thoughts.
I am aware that this may seem like a big challenge.
But guess what? We are built for compassion and empathy. Our brain is already programmed with the ability to connect to other people through the lens of compassion and empathy.
We have neurons in our brain called “mirror neurons”. The mirror neurons are activated when we watch or perceive someone else experiencing a feeling or emotional state.
I know all of you have experienced mirror neurons getting activated. Watching a sad, touching, or high emotion moment on tv or in a movie, your own tears well up. Hearing a grandson let out a great big giggle of glee, you begin to smile and laugh as well. Seeing a loved one in pain, you feel sinking sadness. Witnessing a passionate rally cry, you feel impassioned to cry out too (even cheering for your favorite sports team).
Another way we access or utilize the mirror neurons is through visualization or mental rehearsal. This helps us to get mentally and emotionally prepared for an event or experience (ex: a baseball player coming up to bat, visualizing hitting the ball out of the park or a student imagining being able to easily answer all the questions on an exam and getting an ‘A’).
But sometimes after experiencing and re-experiencing negative events our mindset and beliefs gets a little skewed. Instead of empathy and compassion, we experience frustration, anger, and resentment. And then we seek out other experiences (usually unconsciously) and interactions that continue to mirror our perceived frustration, anger, and resentment so all those negative emotions seem justified.
But guess what. It completely backfires. Instead of just seeing an individual, group of people, or specific events as “deserving” of our frustration, anger, and resentment—we globalize “everything is bad” and often inadvertently lump ourselves into that group as well. We are “bad” too. Our thoughts are filled with judgement and criticisms even if they are not warranted or true. Leaving us feeling horrible about inner and outer world.
IF YOU WANT OTHERS TO BE HAPPY, PRACTICE COMPASSION.
IF YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY, PRACTICE COMPASSION.
~ The Dalai Lama
There are so many benefits for building our empathy and compassion muscles:
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It allows us to increase our awareness of the emotions that are rising within is so that we stay connected to the present, stay in the now.
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We can connect to ourselves and others in a less reactive way; feeling less emotionally triggered.
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We remain “in control” of our emotions; avoiding getting trapped in flight, fight, or freeze mode.
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We feel more connected to ourselves and others; allowing us to seek out win-win solutions.
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We begin to tolerate the discomfort of unpleasant emotions; knowing that this too shall pass.
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We give ourselves permission to revel in the pleasurable emotions, increasing our feelings of satisfaction and contentment.
Here are some easy examples for beginning to practice compassion to alleviate difficult emotions, such as frustration, anger, and resentment.
Practice compassion directed towards self:
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Next time you are experiencing a difficult emotion, such as sadness, anger, or frustration.
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Stop and allow the mind, body, and spirit to fully experience the wave of emotion.
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Then think, how would I feel if my loved one was experiencing this?
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Notice the shift. To me if feels like a softening, like a surrendering of the rigidity or tightness in the body.
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Then extend this empathy to yourself. And act (instead of emotional react) towards yourself with compassion.
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Try this with a warm fuzzy emotional state, such as joy, calm, or peace.
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Pull up a memory of a time you experienced a positive emotional state.
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Allow the mind, body, and spirit to fully experience the wave of emotion. Where do you feel it? What are the accompanying thoughts?
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If you begin “discounting” your experience with “yeah, but’s” or anything that minimizes the experience or stumble on a self-limiting belief that you are less than deserving for this pleasant emotion or experience, begin to think of how you would react to a loved one in this emotional state.
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Notice that shift.
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Then extend this empathy to yourself.
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And follow with thoughts of compassion.
Practicing compassion for others:
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Pull a memory of a time you witnessed another person experiencing a difficult or warm fuzzy emotion.
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Play back the memory, noticing the individual’s words, body posture, expression.
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Try to see if you can imagine the emotion they are experiencing. Where in your body can you feel that emotion? What do you think they were needing in that moment?
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Notice if you begin to change your thoughts or emotions about the memory or experience.
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How would extending empathy and compassion have changed the events of the experience? Would there have been a different resolution?
If you have been struggling with frustration, anger, and resentment or tend to veer towards criticism and judgment –this may be a new practice. Go easy on yourself as you try this practice. You may not get it “right” each time, and that’s okay! Progress, not perfection! Keep practicing and notice how it feels to release the frustration, anger, and resentment through compassion.
Wishing you peace through a practice of compassion,
Mary
P.S. if you are needing more support, reach out and we will chat about how I can support you in this practice. mary@riversjourneycounseling.com
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